Summer FOMO: How Social Comparison Affects Your Self-Esteem
Summer is often presented as the happiest time of the year, with social media being filled with holidays, festivals, weddings, garden parties and smiling groups of friends. Everyone seems to be travelling somewhere, celebrating something or making memories.
If your own summer looks quieter, it can be difficult not to feel as though you are missing out. You may be spending more time at home than you expected, money might be tight, friends may be busy with partners, children or other social groups. Perhaps you were not invited to something, or you are watching other people reach milestones that feel far away from your own life.
It can be difficult not to wonder whether you are missing out.
Summer FOMO becomes particularly difficult when other people’s plans start to feel like evidence that your own life is lacking. Social media can intensify this by showing you selected moments from other people’s lives while you remain aware of the full, complicated reality of your own.
Understanding this uneven comparison can help you respond differently, without dismissing the genuine loneliness, disappointment or exclusion that may be underneath it.
What is fear of missing out?
Fear of missing out is the uncomfortable feeling that other people are having rewarding experiences without you.
It might appear through thoughts such as:
“Everyone else is having a better summer than me.”
“I should be doing more with my life.”
“Why wasn’t I invited?”
“Other people have more friends than I do.”
“I’m wasting my summer.”
“I’m falling behind.”
Sometimes FOMO encourages us to make plans or try something new that we genuinely enjoy.
But it can also lead to anxiety, resentment, overspending, exhaustion or agreeing to things we do not really want to do. You may repeatedly check social media for signs that you have been left out, and even when you are doing something enjoyable, part of your attention may remain focused on what everybody else is doing.
Why summer can make comparison feel stronger
Comparison can happen at any time of year, but summer often brings a particular set of expectations.
Longer days are “supposed” to mean more socialising, more travel and more time outdoors, so, when the weather is good, staying at home can feel like a missed opportunity rather than an ordinary choice.
Usual routines may also change: friends go away, work can become quieter and regular groups or activities sometimes pause for the summer. This can leave more empty time and fewer familiar points of connection.
Summer may also intensify life-stage comparison: engagements, weddings, family holidays and photographs of friendship groups can seem to highlight what you believe is missing from your own life. It may feel as though other people are moving forward while you are standing still.
Social media then gives you a constant view into these experiences. The difficulty is that you are rarely seeing the whole story.
You see the photograph from the beach rather than the delayed flight, you see the smiling group picture rather than the awkward conversation, or you see the hotel balcony rather than the stress of paying for the trip.
Emotionally, however, the image can still feel convincing.
The problem with comparing your life to a highlight reel
Most people do not post a balanced account of their lives online.
They share moments that look interesting, attractive or worth remembering, this does not necessarily mean they are being dishonest, it is simply how social media tends to work.
The problem begins when you compare somebody else’s selected moments with the whole of your own life. You know about your worries, disappointments, financial pressures and quiet days, while you cannot see theirs, and so, this creates an uneven comparison in which your own life can easily appear less exciting, meaningful or successful.
Over time, you may begin to treat what you see online as evidence about your own worth:
“They have more friends than I do.”
“They are further ahead.”
“They are making better use of their life.”
“I must be doing something wrong.”
But another person having a positive experience does not mean that your life has less value.
How CBT understands the FOMO cycle
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT, looks at the relationship between thoughts, emotions and behaviour.
Imagine that you see photographs of friends at a festival you did not attend, you might think:
“They are all closer without me.”
“I never get invited to anything.”
“My life is boring.”
These thoughts may lead to sadness, anxiety, shame or a sense of rejection.
You might then withdraw from your friends, continue scrolling through photographs, decline another invitation or criticise yourself for not having a more active social life.
This can create a cycle:
You see something that triggers comparison.
You interpret it as evidence that your life is lacking.
You feel anxious, low or excluded.
You withdraw, keep checking social media or avoid reaching out.
You have fewer opportunities for genuine connection.
The belief that you are missing out becomes stronger.
The aim of CBT is not to pretend that everything is fine.
Sometimes being left out genuinely hurts, sometimes you do want more friendship, connection or variety in your life.
CBT helps you slow the cycle down and look more carefully at the conclusions you are reaching. It allows you to distinguish between what has actually happened and the meaning you have attached to it.
You can read more about this process in my article on how CBT helps you feel more in control.
Common thinking patterns behind FOMO
When you feel anxious, lonely or insecure, your thoughts can become more absolute, several common CBT thinking patterns can make comparison feel more convincing.
Mental filtering
Mental filtering means focusing on one part of a situation while overlooking everything else.
You may notice everybody who appears to be away on holiday while barely registering the many people who are working, caring for family, managing health problems or spending an ordinary weekend at home.
Your attention becomes drawn towards anything that supports the idea that everybody else is having a better time.
Mind-reading
Mind-reading involves assuming that you know what other people think or feel.
After seeing a group photograph, you might decide that everyone in it is close, confident and completely happy, you may also assume that you were not invited because they do not value you.
There may be other explanations: the plans could have been spontaneous, numbers may have been limited, somebody else might have organised the event, maybe the relationships in the photograph may be more complicated than they appear.
Sometimes exclusion is real, and that can be understandably painful. The aim is not to dismiss that possibility, but to separate what you know from what you are assuming.
Overgeneralising
One missed invitation can quickly become:
“I’m always left out.”
A quiet weekend becomes:
“I never do anything.”
A friend going away with somebody else becomes:
“I’m nobody’s first choice.”
Words such as always, never and everyone can make one painful experience feel like a permanent truth.
The pressure of “should”
Summer can bring a long list of expectations:
“I should be travelling.”
“I should be outside.”
“I should have more friends.”
“I should be making the most of the weather.”
“I should be happier.”
These thoughts turn preferences into rules and when your life does not meet those rules, you can feel as though you have failed.
How comparison can affect self-esteem
When comparison becomes frequent, your self-worth can start depending on how your life measures up against other people’s lives.
You may judge yourself according to:
the number of invitations you receive;
the places you visit;
the milestones you have reached;
how busy you appear;
how interesting your life looks online.
The difficulty is that there will always be somebody who appears busier, wealthier, more popular or further ahead, the standard keeps moving.
Even after arranging a holiday or attending an event, you may immediately notice somebody doing something that seems more impressive.
Comparison rarely provides lasting reassurance because it teaches your mind to keep looking outside yourself for evidence that you are doing well enough.
Low self-esteem can make this cycle stronger, as when you already fear that you are uninteresting, unwanted or behind in life, social media may appear to confirm those beliefs. But a photograph cannot tell you anything reliable about your worth or the quality of your relationships.
What can help with summer FOMO?
Managing FOMO is not about forcing yourself to think positively.
Rather, it’s about creating enough space to understand what has happened, what you have concluded about it and what you may actually need.
Separate the event from your interpretation
Try to identify what you know and what you have assumed.
For example:
What happened: I saw photographs of several friends having drinks together.
My interpretation: They deliberately excluded me because they do not like me.
Those are not the same thing.
Ask yourself:
What facts do I actually have?
Am I filling in gaps with assumptions?
Is there another reasonable explanation?
What would I say to a friend who had this thought?
Is this situation reminding me of something I have felt before?
The aim is not to convince yourself that nothing is wrong, but instead, to develop a fuller and more balanced understanding.
A CBT thought record can help you work through this process in more detail.
Notice how scrolling affects you
Pay attention to how you feel before, during and after using social media.
Are you opening an app because you want to connect with someone, or because you feel anxious about what you might be missing?
You do not necessarily need to stop using social media completely, small boundaries may be more realistic.
You could:
remove apps from your home screen;
avoid checking them first thing in the morning;
mute accounts that regularly trigger comparison;
reduce your usual scrolling for a few days;
notice whether your mood or urge to compare changes.
It may also help to remind yourself: “I am looking at selected moments, not complete lives.”
Decide what a meaningful summer looks like for you
A meaningful summer does not need to be busy, expensive or photographable.
Think about what you genuinely value. Perhaps you want more time with one or two close friends, or you might want to read, exercise, cook outdoors, visit somewhere local or simply rest after a demanding few months.
Try asking:
“What would make this summer feel worthwhile to me?”
This brings your attention back to your own life rather than using somebody else’s summer as the standard.
Take small steps towards connection
FOMO can leave you waiting to be invited, but connection sometimes requires taking a small emotional risk.,
You could message a friend, suggest meeting for coffee or arrange a simple day out, the plan does not need to be impressive.
There is always a chance that somebody will be unavailable and that can feel disappointing, particularly if rejection is already a sensitive area for you. But asking gives people an opportunity to connect with you that they may not otherwise realise you want.
Allow disappointment to be real
Balanced thinking does not mean denying your feelings.
Being excluded can hurt. Spending summer alone when you wanted company can feel painful. Watching friends move into new stages of life can bring sadness, envy or grief.
You do not need to criticise yourself for having those reactions.
Sometimes the more useful response is:
“This has touched something important for me. I feel lonely, and I want more connection.”
That gives you clearer information than:
“There must be something wrong with me.”
When FOMO touches something deeper
Sometimes FOMO is a temporary response to an unusually quiet weekend, while at other times, it connects with deeper beliefs about yourself and your relationships.
You may have learned that being included means you are valued, or perhaps you have often felt overlooked within friendships or your family, you might fear that people will forget you if you are not constantly present.
FOMO can connect with beliefs such as:
“I am not interesting enough.”
“Other people are more likeable than me.”
“I have to appear successful to be accepted.”
“If I am alone, it means nobody wants me.”
“I am running out of time.”
These beliefs can shape how you interpret everyday situations: a photograph, an unanswered message or a quiet evening may activate a much older feeling of being unwanted or not good enough
Recognising this can shift the question from:
“What is wrong with me?”
to:
“What has this situation brought up for me?”
Therapy can help you explore where these beliefs came from, how they affect your current relationships and how you might begin responding to yourself differently.
Your summer does not need to prove anything
There is no correct way to spend summer.
Some people will travel, some will work, some will be caring for children or relatives, some will be struggling financially, while others may be dealing with anxiety, grief, relationship difficulties or low mood while appearing perfectly happy online.
Some days will simply be ordinary.
You can want more connection without deciding that your current life is a failure. You can feel disappointed about missing an event without turning that experience into proof that you are unwanted.
A meaningful life is built from more than the moments that look good in photographs.
Therapy for comparison, anxiety and low self-esteem
If comparison is affecting your confidence, relationships or ability to enjoy your own life, therapy can give you space to understand what is happening underneath it.
At Roles We Play Counselling, I work with adults experiencing anxiety, overthinking, loneliness and low self-worth. I use CBT alongside relational and person-centred approaches mas this can help you question unhelpful thinking patterns while also understanding the experiences, relationships and beliefs beneath them.
I offer counselling in Beckenham and online throughout the UK.
You can book a free 15-minute consultation to talk about how comparison, loneliness or low self-worth have been affecting you, and whether working together might be right for you.
