Why Do I Keep Repeating the Same Patterns? An Introduction to Life Scripts.
“Every time I get close to someone, I end up pushing them away. I don’t know why, I just do.”
If that feels familiar, you’re not alone.
Maybe you notice yourself drawn to the same kinds of relationships, or you fall into roles like the caretaker, the rescuer, the perfectionist, even when you’re trying not to. It can feel like life is looping, with you stuck playing out scenes you thought you’d left behind.
You might be tempted to view this as weakness or failure, but it’s not, in Transactional Analysis (TA), there’s a name for this: life scripts.
What is a Life Script?
A life script is like a story you started writing in childhood and is based on early experiences and the messages you picked up, spoken or unspoken, you came to certain conclusions about yourself, others, and the world.
These beliefs might’ve helped you feel safe or accepted back then, but many of us carry those same unconscious rules into adulthood, even when they don’t fit anymore.
So we keep playing out patterns, without realising we’re free to rewrite them.
What Do Life Scripts Sound Like?
Scripts often show up as deeply-held, quiet beliefs. Here are a few examples I often hear in my practice at Roles We Play:
“If I don’t fix things, people will leave me.”
“I have to earn love by being useful.”
“It’s not safe to speak my mind.”
“I always mess things up in the end.”
“I can’t ask for help, I should be able to handle it on my own.”
You might notice how these beliefs shape your choices, relationships, and even your self-worth.
Where Do These Scripts Come From?
Scripts form through repeated emotional experiences in childhood: what was praised, what was punished, what was ignored. We absorb patterns from our caregivers, culture, school, and early relationships and over time, these experiences can shape how we relate to others and to ourselves.
How Life Scripts Show Up in Adult Life
Let’s say you grew up with the message that being strong meant hiding your feelings, as an adult, you might push through burnout, avoid vulnerability, or struggle to ask for support.
Or maybe you were the child who smoothed things over in a tense home, you might now find yourself the peacekeeper at work or in relationships, even when it hurts you.
These patterns made sense in context, they’re not random, they’re the result of a story you’ve been living.
Can You Break the Cycle? How Therapy Helps Change Unconscious Patterns
Yes you can and that change starts with awareness.
In therapy, you can begin to unpack where these patterns came from, how they served you, and what new stories are possible. I often use Transactional Analysis alongside Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help clients map out these old roles and gradually try new ways of being.
Scripts aren’t diagnoses or fixed identities, they’re just working models, ones that can be reshaped through new relational experiences, insights, and choices.
You’re Not Wrong, You’re Just Following a Map You Didn’t Know You Made
If you feel stuck, ashamed, or confused about why you keep ending up in the same place, please know this:
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re following a map you didn’t even realise you were using.
But now, you’ve got the chance to look at it, and if it no longer serves you, you can start to draw a new one, one that includes your needs, your voice, and your freedom.
Ready to Explore the Roles You’ve Been Playing?
At Roles We Play Counselling, I work with people to help them understand their patterns, and start making new choices. I offer both in-person therapy in Beckenham and online sessions across the UK.
You can book a free first session or find out more about how I work.
